Greetings from 2019! I haven't posted a blog in awhile so this one is long, but try to stick with me! As always I try to be super honest with you guys, even if it makes me feel vulnerable!
I would be lying if I said I was sad to see 2018 go. 2018 was not a great year. My husband started a new job and while he loved the company, he hated the actual work. He had been laid off at the very end of 2017 and first went through 3 weeks of federal jury duty (great timing) and thankfully he then found another job, but it was a totally new career for him. He was miserable so I was miserable. I've said it before and I'll say it again: depression can be contagious. If a loved one has ever dealt with it, you know what I'm talking about. It's hard enough to worry about yourself, but when you are doing everything you can to make sure someone you love is happy, forget about it. I didn't realize how much the situation was affecting me until a co-worker pointed out that I didn't seem like myself.
I cried a lot. I called my mom crying, I called Scott's mom crying and I would call my best friend crying. I would text other friends about my frustrations and just felt so negative. I stopped working out, I stopped even walking our poor little Marty. No more Zumba or Pound classes, because what's the point. Cooking? Yeah right. I was lazy. But picking up food or going out every single night is costly, both in food points and money! I went weeks, probably months, without tracking a single thing. I was "keeping count" in my head, but we know how well that works out. Plus, because Scott was now home every night (he previously worked nights for 6 years), it was a huge adjustment to our schedules and both of our eating habits. People ask me all of the time how I manage to live with someone who eats so opposite from me and I always say the same thing: it's hard. It's really hard. Anyone who knows us knows that we eat differently and my husband is 1) an extremely picky eater and 2) addicted to sweets! I wasn't used to all of the sweets, snacks and dessert he likes to eat and I started to partake with him. Watching a tv show? Let's have a Dove bar. Going to the movies? Sure, we will get a large popcorn, chocolate and who knows what else. I've put weight back on, which is upsetting to me, but I still am so far from when I started and that's what I need to focus on.
Now, Scott and I have talked about this a LOT. I am 100% in control of what I choose to eat, I know that. But..it's really hard when the person you live with is tempting you with things you shouldn't be eating just by bringing it into the house. He agrees on that point, too, but as someone who has never struggled with food issues he acknowledges that he doesn't always get where I'm coming from. We both have had to make concessions and it's been much better. As of this writing, there is NO ICE CREAM IN OUR HOUSE! I don't know how long it lasts, but honestly every little bit counts and I truly appreciate the effort he is making. I mean hey, it will benefit his health too!
Anyway, back to 2018. Scott made the hard choice to leave his new job in May after about 5 months because he truly was not happy. It affected every aspect of our lives. Sundays were awful. And I've been there, literally. He was working as a recruiter and I did that job for 2 years and it can be hard. I would be miserable all of Sunday just knowing I had to go to a job I hated the next day. I felt awful that he was going through that. He found another job that seemed like it would be good, but it was back to nights. At this point, I had gotten used to having him home and the extra time we got together and I was really against him taking the new job. We fought about it. It was hard for him too because although he didn't like recruiting, he truly LOVED the company, his co-workers and his boss. He finally had a boss who showed him what a true leader was and who motivated him.
He worked at this new job for about 2 months and he liked it fine, but then his former boss reached out and said the company had a marketing position open and that they would love to have him back. Are you still following me here? It was another hard decision to make. He didn't want to seem like a job hopper, but it was better pay and back to days. I was stressed about insurance, too. Being an adult is hard, jeez! Scott went back to the company he had just left in August and started working as a Marketing Coordinator. He loves it and I am so proud of him because this was something that was 100% new to him (talk about being brave enough to start a whole new CAREER) and he's killing it! He's working harder than I've ever seen and the best part is that he actually enjoys it. This past Sunday night we were coming home from a vacation and I said to him, "How do you feel about going back to work tomorrow?" (a question that always stressed me out before because I knew he hated his job) and he said "I'm excited! I'm ready to get back, I have lots of new ideas and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone". You guys don't know how awesome that was after so many ups and downs the last year.
I think we are both in a good head space now and have goals for this year that we will be working hard to achieve. I am trying my hardest to focus on relationships that are fulfilling and motivating and cutting out anything or anyone that brings me stress and unhappiness. I want to get back down to my lowest weight. I want to drink more water, be more positive and just focus on what's important. We are both also trying to save more money and I am proud that we've paid off credit cards, cut bills and are really making an effort in that area. Bring it on, 2019!